Starting over... sort of

I didn't post last night.

I had a rather huge meltdown - a total regression. And it's taken me this long to regroup my thoughts.

I posted a little while back about how the kids have been a bit of a challenge lately. I'm re-thinking my theory on outdoor play. If I have to go by yesterday, it's exhaustion. They are still waking up before 5, and there's no way they're getting enough sleep.

In fact, there's no way any of us are getting enough sleep. The kids are whiny and have short fuses. And hubby and I just plain have short fuses.

Last night, the kids were ready for bed by 5 pm, but there was no way they were going down at that time. They tried to have some supper, but by 6:40 or so, they headed to bed with relatively little complaining. We went through the regular bedtime routine, and then all hell broke loose.

After a few warnings to get to sleep, their whining upped a notch, then two, then several more. And I lost it. Not at them, so much as in general. I had a good scream at no one in particular about how I just couldn't take it all anymore. And then the kids cried. So I cried. And I felt guilty. But I was also still frustrated as hell.

I calmed them down, and made a deal. I'm not going to yell anymore. In fact, I'm not even going to get angry anymore. But I'm no longer repeating myself. If they misbehave or they don't listen, they get a time-out. End of story. No yelling, no anger, no frustration.

I'd always been told time outs don't work. And they didn't use to. But they do now, with my three year old, at least.I think we just haven't been using them consistently enough.

I'm not the biggest Dr. Phil fan, but I do believe in his theory of identifying a kid's currency, and using it as an effective form of discipline. My three-year-old's currency is socializing and arguing/winning. The worst punishment for her is physically removing her from a situation, thus removing any option she has from continuing to argue with us until she wins. Hence, a time out in her room.

My two-year-old's currency is our approval: it's what makes her so obedient. Her worst nightmare is having us angry at her. So no time-outs needed there.

We had to put our plan in the works this morning, when little miss three-year-old was doddling, then fought me trying to get her hair combed. After I asked her once, then reminded her of our plan, I picked her up, and put her in her room. Before I'd even closed the door, she apologized and promised she'd let me do her hair. And she did.

Then she was perfectly behaved for the rest of the morning until I dropped her off at daycare.

I don't care what people think of time-outs anymore. I think they're a better parenting method than having me scream at my kids, get angry, cry, lose control, and still not get anywhere. I'd rather my daughter's view of me be a level-headed mother who has a clear view of what's appropriate and not, even if that means a mother who puts her daughter in a time-out once or twice or more a day, than what I'm currently portraying, which is an emotional basket case who has tried all the other tricks in the book and has only confused her headstrong daughter - and a mother who is clearly losing to a three year old.

Just knowing I have a plan makes me feel so much better. It'll take some work to stick to it, but just seeing my kids this morning, I can tell that the little bit of work will be WAY worth it, rather than to not work at discipline and live with the constant anger and frustration from the last few weeks. If I see the plan makes a difference, I want to chat with daycare to see if they want to come on board, too.

Now, on a closing, happier note, I've designed my XMas card! Took some great pics of the kids yesterday, picked a good one and designed the cover for our cards. They're being printed as I write - I can't wait to get them out to our friends and family! I'll post the design here once I know most people have them in their hands. I want it to be a surprise!